If Tomorrow Never Comes
by Flame Vixen
Summary: When an accident at the beginning of the month leaves the Christmas Hollidays lonely and unbearable, is there any way to save two hearts before it's too late? Alternate reality, RikuxNamine
1. Tell Me I Was Dreaming

_**Vixen:** Okay, sorries for being gone for so long. Been having some major trouble with writer's block, but I think I can squeeze something out here. And if at ALL possible, please play this song: I just feel that it would work here. The song is called "Tell Me I was Dreaming," and it's done by the artist Travis Tritt, and in no way does it belong to me; just as the cannon characters from Kingdom Hearts do not belong to me. Though I really wish I could have Riku-kun... but anyway, here's kind of how things are going: This is set in an alternate reality to the games, and Riku is twenty-two while Kairi, Sora, Roxas and Namine are all twenty-one. It's Christmas Eve, but something is horribly wrong, and the evening is about to take a morbid turn for the worse. What's gonna happen? Read and you'll find out._

* * *

-- _Tell Me I was Dreaming_ -- 

It was the night before Christmas. Snow was falling in a thick white blanket, so that the little town soon looked like a gingerbread village with icing layered on it. Light shone through many windows, causing intricate patterns to fall on the powdery snow; inside, many families where gathered around glowing trees, singing carols or just enjoying the tranquility of the season. It was Christmas Eve, the most serene day of the year.

But on the outskirts of the little hamlet, the wind whipped the snow into flurries that stung on bare skin. The lights from the windows failed to penetrate the darkness here; the only light came from the full moon. She gazed down with sad eyes as she saw the young man struggling away from the light and warmth of the village, pressing on towards the cold, harsh countryside instead. She knew what was to come; she had seen this too often as she stood sentry over the earth. It caused her deep suffering to see this tortured soul shunning the help and compassion of his fellows. She knew that no balm could cure his savaged heart, but she still wished that she could gather him close and console him. She watched as he pushed on, past the point of caring anymore. She feared this path that he was on, for she knew that it lead only to self-destruction.

His silvery, shoulder length hair whipped out behind him as a small whirlwind hurled frozen shards of snow into his face; but he just ignored the icy sting as he continued up the slope. He was past feeling physical pain anymore; his senses had become numb to anything other then the wrenching pain of loss that filled him so completely. Dull ocean blue eyes watched the snow covered ground as he trudged on. There was once a time when those same slanting pools of sapphire had been full of a bright, laughing light, a time when he never would have entertained these dark thoughts that were racing through his mind now. But he felt that, without her, there was nothing left for him. It had been building for weeks, threatening to break it's bonds like a swollen river strains a dam. But the final straw was having to spend Christmas alone, without friends, without family. Without _her_. His tortured mind couldn't take it anymore; it was too much pain to go through, trying to live when the uncertainty of a lonely or non-existent future pressed closer for them both.

Without meaning to, his thoughts traveled back, back in time. Back to a beautiful autumn night, with the fallen leaves dancing in the moon's light, when she was shining down on the young lovers, a gay light in her merry eyes. The sun's rays might not penetrate the clouds as effectively, and the first signs of winter would nip at their skin, but the couple didn't care. All that mattered was their time together.

Watching the waters of the stream twist and churn down the small waterfall, she suddenly asked, "Riku, have you ever thought about the future? I mean, life's just as changing as this stream; it twists and flows all the way, but you can never go back the way you came. Each day is another day in your life, and you grow older; no matter how much you wish you could, you can never go back to yesterday. So really, all there is is the future. What do you think of tomorrow?"

Smiling, he met the blond's shining, pale blue eyes as he said, "What brought this on, Namine? Why are you so full of questions about tomorrow when today's not even over?" He had trouble hiding a chuckle, because he knew that she was just like this. Questions seemed to pop out of her at odd moments; but those spontaneous queries seemed to almost always have a deeper meaning to them.

Shrugging, the trim girl replied lightly, "I don't know, really. I just got this feeling all of a sudden that life is just so short; we could be gone tomorrow, things happen that fast." Glancing at the stream again, Namine said softly, "I just have this feeling that something bad is going to happen, and I won't be here for Christmas. Weird, isn't it?"

Sensing how upset she was, Riku pushed himself off the fallen log he was sitting on and moved closer. Wrapping his arms gently around her shoulders, he said in a soft, low whisper, "Nothing lasts forever, we both know that. But don't worry, I'm sure you'll still be here. I'll protect you, Pretty Thing, I promise."

* * *

Shaking his head, Riku found himself laughing as he said sourly, "'_I'll protect you._' I promised that, didn't I? But how could I protect you from the accident when I wasn't even there in time? I couldn't stop that ass from drinking; or from getting behind the wheel when he knew he was too plastered to see straight." Shaking his head, he found himself using his pet name for her as he whispered, "I should have been there, Pretty Thing. I should have been with you or stopped you from going out that night. I shouldn't have gotten mad, Namine; it was my fault." Slowly, despairingly, he struggled on, even as, once again, his thoughts went back. But they didn't travel as far back as before; but this time, he revisited a memory from the beginning of the month.

* * *

Things had just been going bad for Riku the first of December, so that by the time he was supposed to pick Namine up for their date, he was about ready to kill. He'd already given Sora a fat lip and a black-eye to match it; and they were supposed to be best friends. His temper was short enough that he pretty much barked at her for being late when he went to get her.

Getting her own dander up, she retorted, "What do'you mean, _I_ was late? You where suppose to be here half an hour ago. So what're you yelling at me for?"

One thing led to another, so that they were soon in a huge fight that had nothing to do with what it had started out as. Finally, fed-up with his attitude, the blond screeched, "You know what, I've had enough of this shit. It's over Riku; if this is the real you, then I'm gone." Flipping her hair, she picked up her keys and raced out of there.

His eyes snapping with blue fire, the young man stormed out of the house as she was tearing out of the driveway. Slamming open the door of his black Ford F-250, Riku jammed the keys in the ignition. Turning the engine over, he stared out the windshield as his rage started to simmer down. Leaning his forehead against the window for a moment, he took a deep breath, letting the cool glass chill his firey temper.

Reaching into the glove box for a good CD, his fingers brushed against something velvety soft. Pulling it out, he realized why his temper had been so bad that day. Placing the small box back into the compartment, he quickly placed the Travis Tritt disk in the CD player as he pulled out of the driveway.

Cruising down the road, he kept his eyes straight ahead, searching for tail-lights. Except for the stars, the only illumination came from the headlights of the sleek truck. Usually, he liked traveling this road; thick, tall redwoods surrounded it, and it almost seemed as if you were traveling back in time. But tonight, they seemed to be standing sentry, hinting at dire things soon to come.

Finally, after nearly twenty minutes of peering through the trees, he saw the crimson lights of another car just as he got to the outskirts of town. Pulling closer, he had just enough time to confirm that it was Namine's midnight blue Sable before another car came barreling around the corner, weaving drunkenly across the road.

Reacting instinctively, Riku slammed his foot on the brakes; but even the squealing of the truck's tires on the asphalt couldn't block out the horrible screeching of crumpled metal as the Sable and the other car collided.

Rubbing his head where he had hit it against the steering wheel, the young man faintly registered the blood on his fingers as he wrenched the door open. Hitting the pavement running, he bolted for the accident scene as a man pulled himself out of the other car, moaning about a headache. Reaching the wrecks, he wrestled the smashed driver's door open as a flame haired young lady called out, "What's going on? Does someone need help?"

Glancing quickly around, his silver hair in his eyes, Riku bellowed at the girl, "Kairi! Call 911! Now!" Turning back to the car, he reached in and flicked the seatbelt off Namine's lap. Slipping a hand behind her back and under her legs, he gently pulled her out of the ruined vehicle.

Racing away from the Sable, he brought the limp blond over near his truck and Kairi's car. Placing her down, he didn't even pay attention to the song that was on as he quickly took his coat off and placed it gently on the slim form of the girl. Looking her up and down, he registered the broken arm and the rapidly appearing bruises. Running his fingers through her hair, he pulled his hand away from the golden locks with blood on his fingers.

"Riku, what's going on? What happened... oh my...!" Turning around at the exlamation, he saw Kairi's face turning white. Since she had pulled him away from Namine's condition for a moment, he finally heard the words drifting out from the truck's radio; and the soft, melancholy ballad wasn't helping the fear that had started swelling in his chest.

_Tell me I was dreaming,  
That you didn't leave me here to cry.  
You didn't say you don't love me anymore;  
It was just my imagination telling lies.  
Tell me that you didn't say Goodbye._

Darling tell me you didn't say,  
Goodbye.

Pulling back some of her hair, he said in a soft, strained whisper, "Hang on Namine; please hang on. We're going to get you some help, I promise. Hold on, Pretty Thing; hold on."

Opening her eyes, she turned her face up to look at Riku. What he saw broke his heart beyond repair. Her eyes, usually a clear and laughing sapphire, pools so beautiful they put the brightness of the very stars to shame, were looking up at him with a dull, listless quality. Each hard won breath brought a painful tone to her eyes; yet they still seemed to smile at him. Parting her lips, she said in a soft, sad whisper, "I'm sorry, Riku. I... I shouldn't... have done that."

Closing her eyes, she leaned her head back as tears leaked from beneath her eyelids. Gently brushing them away, Riku said in a low tone as the ambulance arrived, "No, Pretty Thing. I was the one that screwed up, not you." Numb, he let the paramedics pull him to the side while they started in on Namine.

-----

-- Hospital, few hours later --

It was well past midnight, and he was starting to get even more anxious. Running his hand through his already ruffled hair, Riku didn't even take notice of the bandage on his right temple. Giving him a worried glance, Kairi asked weakly, "Riku, don't you think, maybe you should...?"

"No," he cut across her. Swallowing, he tried in a more gentle tone, "No, Kairi, I'm not going home. I want to know how she is first."

Finally, a half hour later, an exhausted doctor came to see them. Seeing the looks on their faces, she started in a gentle tone, "Miss Honeystar, Mr. Terra, I'm sorry to say that things don't look that well for your friend Miss Tsumi. Apart from the multiple cuts and bruises, the radius in her right arm is fractured in two separate locations; she has two cracked ribs and has also suffered a concussion. But I'm afraid that the worst of it is that there is severe internal bleeding and," swallowing, she continued hurriedly, "Miss Honeystar, Mr. Terra, I'm afraid that she's slipped into a coma; I don't know if she'll be able to come out of it."

* * *

Shaking his head, Riku pushed the memory from his thoughts as he continued his trek up the icy slope. He'd sat by her side for weeks after, refusing to believe what the doctors told Sora, Roxas, Kairi and himself; not wanting to let the crushing weight of guilt kill him. There had been small improvements; the concussion and bleeding had cleared up; but Namine still hadn't come back from the coma. Unable to take it anymore he'd whispered an apology to her that evening before he had left.

Reaching level ground, he looked around himself. Having picked the area, he had come back to the site of the accident. Looking up at the moon, he couldn't help but find himself singing the song that had been stuck in his head for weeks.

_I'm in a state of confusion,  
I hope things aren't what they seem;  
If this is really happiness,  
Just let me go back to dream you're home._

Tell me I was dreaming,  
That you didn't leave me here to cry.  
You didn't say you don't love me anymore;  
It was just my imagination telling lies.  
Tell me that you didn't say Goodbye.

Darling tell, you didn't say,  
Goodbye.

"Goodbye, Pretty Thing," Riku whispered. Holding the saber close to his side, he continued, "It's too much to bear anymore. I just can't do it, baby. The dream's turned into a nightmare that I just can't get out of. I'm sorry, Namine. I love you."

"Goodbye."

* * *


	2. Concrete Angel

_**Vixen:** Okay, later than I promised, but here's the next chapter. As usual, Kingdom Hearts does not belong to me; and the song 'Concrete Angel,' is property of Martina McBride; though I'd like it if you could please play it for this chapter. A note to all the people that reviewed the last chapter; thank-you, and I changed Kairi's last name to Honeystar. Why? I didn't really like Johnes that much. Now let's get going!_

* * *

_Concrete Angel_

A faint, repetitive beeping could be heard as the machines surrounding her bedside continued their jobs. Sighing, Kairi stepped closer as her blue-violet eyes filled with sadness. A wistful tone to her voice, she said softly, "It's Christmas Eve, Namine, and I wish you could see it; the night's simply breathtaking. We all miss you, Namine, and we hope you can come back to us soon."

Kairi grew quiet as she watched her best friend lying so still; so lifeless. Her hair hung in strands of muted yellow around her face, when once it had been thick, shiny and a brilliant shade of gold. Her lips were just too pale; and her beautiful sky-blue eyes just couldn't be seen because they were hidden behind closed eyelids. The red head could feel the tears running down her face as she thought, once again, that her best friend since childhood was going to die without knowing...

"Namine," Kairi tried again, horrified when her voice broke, "Namine, please; you have to try and come back. Everyone misses you; Riku misses you something terrible. Nami', please..." But it just wasn't any use. The machines continued to tell the tired blue-eyed girl that her friend just never would wake up again.

Even though Kairi knew that Namine could hear her, she didn't know that Namine wanted to answer her. Her mind racing, the blond could feel her heart break a little more from the distress in her friend's voice; but it was only a small shard that tore itself from her already shattered heart. In all reality, the beautiful young woman just wanted to die; she felt that her heart had died already, when she'd run from Riku at the beginning of the month, trying to run from a past that, in her rage and pain, she had somehow connected with the present.

* * *

Namine had always been a rather fragile thing as a child. What with her pale skin, sun-gold locks and those crystal blue eyes, all of the neighborhood kids would joke around and say that she looked just like a china doll. And she was; she was a delicate little china doll on the verge of being shattered.

She did her best to hide it, but all the adults knew, or rather suspected, what Namine's home-life was like. Her father wasn't exactly the nicest man; and she had never known her mother, because she left when Namine was still really little. A tall, good looking blond, Rick Tsumi usually left Namine to look after herself while he went out with different women, and he'd sometimes be gone for almost a day at a time.

It was during this time that she became friends with four other kids: Sora, Roxas, Kairi and Riku. Maybe it was coincidence, or maybe it was fate, but all five of them happened to be in the same sandbox when Namine was about six. At first, she stayed by herself, like she usually did; but the little red-head's calls to come and play were just too much to resist. A smile on her face, the young blond picked up her stuff and went over by them.

Sitting down, she asked shyly, "Hi, I'm Namine; what're your names?"

A laugh in her violet-blue eyes, the other little girl said happily, "I'm Kairi. And that's Sora," she pointed at the brunette with bright, crystal blue eyes; "Roxas, Sora's brother," the blond next to Sora waved at her, his eyes exactly the same shade of blue as his twin's; "And this is Riku!" Kairi finished happily, indicating a slightly older boy with silver hair and aquamarine eyes.

There was just something in Riku's eyes, Namine would think later, that made her trust him immediately. Though she became good friends with all of them, something seemed to click especially quick between Riku and Namine that day in the sandbox.

That happy afternoon passed much too quickly for Namine; soon enough, Kairi's mom was calling for her, and than Sora and Roxas had to go home too. The sun was setting behind the trees, painting the sky a brilliant array of pinks, orange and red. It was a beautiful sight, one that the little blue-eyed girl certainly didn't want to see, but she knew that she couldn't stop it.

Sighing, Namine said softly, "See you later, Riku." Reaching for her things, the blond was surprised when another hand beat her's to them.

Looking up, she could see Riku's bright sea-toned eyes. Blushing slightly, she was surprised when he asked her, "I don't live far away. You want me to walk you home?"

Her face breaking out into a child's grin, Namine cried out, "Okay!"

Smiling himself, Riku said, "Okay, than let's go!"

Jumping up, he held out his hand to help her up. Laughing now, Namine grabbed it; and than she shrieked in surprise and from the fun of it as Riku pulled her up really fast for a seven year-old boy.

It was a pretty good ten minute walk. Talking and laughing the entire time, Namine didn't even see her dad until she and Riku were a couple houses from her's. That was, until she heard a sharp, loud, "Namine!"

Cringing slightly, all of the spark left her eyes as she said quietly, "See you later, Riku." And without waiting for his reply, she bolted off, everything about her looking smaller.

Reaching her dad, she said in a small voice, "Sorry, sir." A low growl her reply, he reached down and grabbed her arm in a tight grip and steered her inside. What neither one of the Tsumi's noticed was the narrowed look of Riku's ocean eyes as he just stood there, still holding Namine's blue shovel and pail.

* * *

Frowning in her mind's eye, Namine thought about the bruise she had worn for two weeks after that. Her ears still ringing with the chewing out she had gotten from her dad, she hid the marks from his too hard grip by wearing longer sleeves; but even her father's anger hadn't been enough to dampen her spirits since Namine had made friends with those kids in the sandbox.

But if there was one thing that frightened Namine, yet made her feel better at the same time, and it always happened to come from Riku. Somehow, he always seemed to know when her father did something to her; no matter how well she covered it up, he'd know. Riku even found out about the painful, large bruise she got on her shoulder when she was eight, just because she was home later than said she'd be by just fifteen minutes.

She invented all sorts of crazy stories, trying to shift the blame off of her dad; but there was always a sad, steely look in Riku's sea-green eyes that told her he knew the truth. Finally, after having him see through her lies so many times, Namine quite fibbing; at least to Riku; somehow, she just didn't feel right trying lie to him. Why should she? He was the only one that she ever felt safe around; and Riku was the only one that Namine let see her cry; since day one, she had trusted him completely. She always cared deeply for him; and she found out when she was thirteen just how much he cared for her.

* * *

It was approaching eight that beautiful evening early in June. Having a study date together, Namine and Riku were over at Kairi's house that night, doing a little last minute cramming for their History exam the next day. At least, that's what they were supposed to be doing; instead, they were taking a, 'break,' chasing each other around the yard.

"Hey, get back here, Pretty Thing!" Riku bellowed.

Giggling slightly, Namine twirled quickly, just missing being caught. She'd spent the night at Kairi's, owing to the fact that the day before was her thirteenth birthday. She had to beg and plead with her dad to let her spend the night; but after hours of anxious waiting for Namine, Rick had finally consented to let her go for the one weekend.

But what always seemed to make Namine happy was when Riku called her, 'Pretty Thing.' He'd started calling her that about a year ago, but it just seemed natural to her. What she liked even better was that Riku was the only one that called her that; Sora and Roxas always called her 'Nami'' for short.

Sticking her head out the window, Kairi's mom called out, "Namine; telephone from your dad."

Freezing instantly, Namine stayed rooted to the spot. Finally sighing, she called back to the red-headed woman, "Coming, Mrs. Honeystar." Giving a sad wave to Riku and Kairi, the blond bolted for the house, her hair flying off her shoulders.

Reaching the cool shade of the kitchen, Namine mouthed a quick 'Thanks' to Kairi's mom as she took the phone. Closing her eyes for just a fraction of a second, she said, "Yes?" A frown coming to her face, the blond said, "What? But dad, you promised...!" Finally, resignation pulled at her eyes as she sighed, "Fine, fine, I'm coming. Give me twenty to thirty minutes. Goodbye."

Putting the phone down, Namine forced a smile as she glanced over her shoulder and said, "I can't stay tonight. My dad's not feeling that great, so he'd like me to come home. I'll have my things packed in ten minutes."

A frown on her face as she watched the slim girl move toward the stairs, Kairi's mom called, "Are you sure? I could drive you home if you like, Namine."

Stopping with her hand on the banister, Namine shook her head quickly. "Thanks, but no, Mrs. Honeystar. I don't live that far away; I can walk from here." Quickly bolting up the stairs, she didn't give the woman a chance to say anything.

Her backpack slung over her shoulder as she went into the backyard, Namine went over by Kairi and Riku. A laugh in her bright blue-violet eyes, the red-head said, "'Bout time you got back! What kept you, Nami'?"

A strange look on his face, Riku said in a serious tone, "What's up, Pretty Thing?"

Looking anywhere but at Riku, Namine said to Kairi, "Sorry, but I've gotta cut our weekend slumber party idea short. My dad wants me home. I'll see you guys at school tomorrow."

Turning to leave, Namine paused for just an instant and looked back at Riku. Catching the silent plea, he jumped up quickly, muttered a hurried good-bye to Kairi, and than sprinted over to Namine as the blond all but dragged her feet. Once they were a few houses away, Riku asked her in a low tone, "So, what's really going on?"

Sighing, she glanced at his bright aquamarine eyes as she replied heavily, "I'm in major trouble. My dad's mad at me 'cause he says that he didn't give me his permission to be over at Kairi's. He's been drinking, I know it; that's really when he forgets things and loses his temper."

They let a silence fall between them. Ten minutes had gone by before Namine stopped cold in her tracks. Turning, Riku could see that she was shaking like a terrified doe. Looking up at him, she said in a tone that barely suppressed the tears in her eyes and voice, "I'm scared, Riku. I don't want to go home; but I don't want to get him mad when he's drunk, 'cause than he... he..."

Falling silent, she looked away; but she didn't have to say anything more. They both remembered all too clearly the black-eye she'd gotten; and all the trouble she'd had trying to hide it for a month.

Crossing back over to her, Riku pulled Namine into a gentle hug as the girl started crying softly. Stroking her hair slightly, he said in soothing tone, "Calm down, Pretty Thing; just calm down. It won't be that bad, I promise. I'll protect you." He didn't have any idea as to how a fourteen year old boy could protect anyone from an adult with a temper; but all he could think about at the moment was trying to calm his best friend; a friend that he knew wasn't just a friend anymore. She ment too much to him.

Calming down after a few moments, Namine suddenly groaned as she started in a fast sprint, "I'm not gonna make it in time. Thanks for walking me this far, Riku, but I don't want you to get in trouble. Just go back to Kairi's or go home to your place, please. Goodnight!" This time, she didn't hesitate or look back, afraid that she'd lose her last shreds of courage if she did.

Even with her fairly long legs, the blond was still ten minutes late. Bent up double for a moment, she placed her slim hands on her knees, trying to catch her breath. Standing up, she straightened her skirt, hid her nervous grimace behind a faltering smile, and gently pushed the door open.

"About damned time you got back!" Rick roared, his blue eyes blazing. Grabbing Namine's upper arm roughly, he dragged her closer as he continued in a low growl, "What were you doing out anyway? I told you, you were supposed to stay home today!"

A terrified look in her eyes, the girl managed in a small squeak, "But dad, you said I could go! Don't you remember? You said I could spend the weekend at Kairi's!"

Clearly drunk, Rick shoved Namine against the wall as he roared, "I never said anything like that! I'm tired of all the damned lies, Namine; maybe this will teach you!"

A sharp pain in her back from the rough contact with the wall, all the girl could do was squeeze her eyes shut-tight and brace herself as much as she could. What she didn't expect was for an enraged shout to ring in her ears as her dad grunted in surprise.

Looking up, Namine was absolutely amazed to see her dad on the floor, with Riku pinning him down, a savage look in his blue-green eyes. For a moment, Riku seemed to be in charge as he snarled in a tone that wasn't his own, "I've had enough of seeing Namine wearing bruises because of your stupid temper. Leave her alone, dammit!"

But even though Riku was strong for his age, he was still just a boy of fourteen. Gripping his arm, Rick Tsumi said in just as deadly of a tone, "I won't have a child telling me what to do in my own home! Your going to pay just as much as the girl!"

Twisting Riku's arm, Rick grinned in satisfaction at the boy's howl of pain as the bone snapped. Namine watched in horror, because even through the fog from his broken arm, Riku was still holding on as tight as possible to the older man. None of them heard the wail of a siren, not until it was right outside the front door.

Three cops, complete in uniform, came barreling through the door. Guns out, the man in the lead barked, "Hands off the boy and above your head! Your neighbor called because of all the noise coming from this house. You're under arrest for the abuse of a child." Glancing over his shoulder, he said to one of his comrades, "And tell them to get an ambulance over here now; these kids look like they could use the hospital."

Dragging herself over by Riku as the police cuffed her dad, Namine had no success in hiding her tears as she whispered softly, "Why'd you do that, Riku? He could have hurt you a lot worse; why'd you follow me?"

A smile in his aquamarine eyes even as a flash of pain went through them, the boy laughed slightly, "I'd rather have all my bones broken than see you get hurt, Namine. And besides, I love you, Pretty Thing; I think I've loved you ever since the sandbox."

A smile coming to her own tear-filled blue eyes, Namine whispered softly, "I think I have too. I love you, Riku."

* * *

Because their neighbor had called in, Rick Tsumi had been locked away because of what he had done to both Riku and Namine. It took a little longer, but Namine was finally allowed to move in with Kairi and her parents; the two girls, already close as sisters, really enjoyed that little arrangement.

But what truly made Namine feel special was Riku. He was soon considered a hero at school; but by unspoken agreement, no one ever said anything harsh to Namine. Officially a couple, she spent as much time as she could with Riku, just enjoying the sense of peace and security that she connected with him.

Feeling that familiar breaking sensation, Namine thought bitterly, _Things had been going so well for eight years. Why? Why did you have to do that to me? Why did you have to destroy my trust in you? Why, Riku? I thought you loved me; was I wrong? Are all men the same; do some just hide it better?_

Shrouded in her world of darkness, Namine let her thoughts travel back to when her world had shattered, right when she had thought that things were going the best for her.

* * *

Namine was starting to get a little worried when Riku was late for their date. Glancing at the clock, she thought pensively, _He's never been late. What's keeping him? _

Relief flooded over the blond when she finally heard the doorbell. Smoothing her skirt slightly, she went to open it, only to have Riku bark at her, "It's about time, Namine. What kept you? You're late!"

Surprised by the demand, Namine bristled as she spat, ""What do'you mean, _I _was late? You where suppose to be here half an hour ago. So what're you yelling at me for?"

Fifteen minutes later, she just couldn't believe it; it was like Riku had become a totally different person. Just like my father, she thought, irrational in her anger. Hiding tears of rage and betrayal, Namine finally screamed, "You know what, I've had enough of this shit. It's over Riku; if this is the real you, then I'm gone."

Turning quickly, she rushed blindly for the front door as her tears threatened to overcome her. For the first time since she had met him, Namine didn't want Riku to see her cry; but what she didn't know was that he had seen her start crying.

Reaching her Sable, she wrenched the door open than slammed it quickly once she was in. Turning on the ignition, she tore out of the driveway, not even caring if he followed her or not.

Namine knew she was going too fast; snow had fallen earlier in the day, and there was surely black ice to look out for. But she couldn't make herself slow down. She just kept going, the redwoods on either side of her blocking her view of anything that wasn't in front or behind.

The car radio was on, because she always had it that way, and the song that was playing was a well know favorite of her's that she couldn't help but feel fit.

_Through the wind, and the rain,  
She stands hard as a stone,  
In a world that she can't rise above.  
But her dreams give her wings,  
And she flies to a place where she's loved,  
Concrete Angel._

Hot tears sliding down her face, Namine felt her anger leave her in a sudden rush of depression and loneliness. Glancing up at the stars, Namine thought bitterly, _Why did I think you were different, Riku? I should have known this happiness was too good to be true; you're just like my father._

It had only been a fraction of a second, but it was enough. Looking back at the road, Namine saw the other car weaving drunkenly toward her, too close for her to avoid. "Shit!" she cried, twisting the steering wheel hard to the right. Even as the headlights of the other car blinded her, her thoughts were elsewhere; bright, laughing aquamarine eyes that always smiled at her, and those lips that had formed the words, _"I love you."_

A sickening crunch; a blinding white pain; than blissful, quiet darkness.

A jumble of confused voices penetrated her numbed mind as Namine fought her way back to reality. Wether minutes or hours later, she couldn't tell. She could faintly recognize the voices; she thought that there was only two of them. She distantly heard someone wrestling with the driver's door of her car; than strong arms pulled her gently from the ruined vehicle; arms that she felt comfortable in.

Strangely exhausted, Namine felt the pain in a detached, distant way, like the pain belonged to someone else. She felt someone run their fingers gently, tenderly through her hair, like she was the only thing in the world that mattered.

_"Hang on Namine; please hang on. We're going to get you some help, I promise. Hold on, Pretty Thing; hold on."_

Recognizing the voice as Riku's, Namine opened her eyes just as the full impact of the crash hit her. White-hot pain seemed to shoot up her arm and through the rest of her body; if she'd had the strength, she probably would have screamed in absolute agony at that very moment.

But she hid her pain when she saw the look in Riku's eyes. Her own were fogged over in pain, but she hated to see his bright, ocean-blue eyes shining with fearful, guilty tears. Trying to make him feel better, she managed in a soft whisper, "I'm sorry, Riku. I... I shouldn't... have done that."

Namine tried to smile, tried to ease his worry, but the effort of speaking had cost her too much. Closing her eyes, she could feel tears running down her cheeks as her exhaustion swept more quickly over her. Hard as she tried to keep it, the blond could feel her grip on reality slipping as she slowly sank back into the blackness of sleep.

Feeling his hand on her face as he wiped away her tears, Namine heard Riku whisper softly, "No, Pretty Thing. I was the one that screwed up, not you." She thought she felt something wet hit her cheeks, but she wasn't sure of it as the last shreds of reality slipped away and cool darkness surrounded her.

* * *

"Namine, please, don't leave us," she heard Kairi whisper. She knew her friends' hearts ached; that they were worried sick over her; but Namine just didn't know if she could face the uncertainty of a lonely future; one without any sign of love for her shattered heart.

_I_ _just can't do it,_ she thought miserably; _Riku was the only one for me. But now... now there's no one._

Even though she couldn't say anything, Kairi seemed to have read her mind as she pleaded, "Namine, if you can't do it for yourself or for Sora, Roxas or myself, than please, do it for Riku. I... I think he's given up. He's just not himself lately; tonight's the first time in almost a month that he's left your side. Riku's tearing himself apart, Namine; he keeps blaming himself for the accident."

Namine found herself deeply touched by Kairi's words. In her anger, she had forgotten everything Riku had done for her over the last few years; and all of them, no matter how small, had always spoken of his deep affection for her.

Suddenly, the red haze that had clouded Namine's mind with rage left, allowing the blond to think clearly again. But the question still remained; what had caused Riku's temper to explode so horribly? And how could she talk to him, if she was trapped in this coma?

"I'm worried about Riku, Namine," Kairi continued, oblivious to her friend's growing aggravation; "He seemed extremely distant today, and that depressed look was worse than ever. He left about an hour ago; but he said something really strange to me on the way out. He asked me to tell you that he loves you, and that he's sorry that he let you down; and when I asked him where he was going, he said he was going to finish it where he had lost your trust. Namine, I... I don't think he's going to make it through tonight."

The full implication of Kairi's words hit the sleeping blond like a load of bricks. Squeezing her eyes tight, she groaned softly, "No, he can't..." before she opened her eyes.

Letting out a startled scream, Kairi cried, "You're awake!"

Meeting her friend's bright, violet-blue eyes with her own pools of sky-blue, Namine nodded her head and said in a firm tone, "Yeah, more awake than I've been in a while." Swinging her legs to the side of the bed, she asked in a tense tone, "Kairi, do you think you could help me get dressed and than checked out, fast? I need you to take me somewhere."

A puzzled look in her eyes as she moved to the closet in the private room, the red-head asked, "Where?"

Looking out the window at the gently falling snow, Namine said quietly, "To the scene of the accident. And to Riku."

* * *

_**Vixen**: I am going to tell you right now, the update took so long because I had absolutely no pleasure in writing this chapter. A friend of mine is in a similar situation at times, but I hope things turn out differently for her. This is not the type of stuff that I enjoy writing, but I usually don't have any control over how my writing turns out because I don't really plan it. The next chapter should be coming much sooner; and it will be much lighter to make up for how dark these two have been. But please, if you're not to ticked at me, leave a review!  
_


	3. If Tomorrow Never Comes

_**Vixen:** Okay, I know that this took a while, but I finally got the last chapter! It is_ extremly_ fluffy; so I hope you'll like it! And I need you to play this song: "_IF Tomorrow Never Comes,_" by Garth Brooks; and please, use the link on my profile! And here's the final chapter!_

_

* * *

_

_If Tomorrow Never Comes_

Namine stared pensively through the windshield as she dragged the brush through her hair. She was amazed that she had been able to get out of that hospital; the doctors certainly hadn't wanted to release her. It had taken some careful cajoling, but the blond and Kairi had finally managed to get away.

They continued to travel the dark roads with only the headlights and stars to guide them. Despite the beauty of the night, both women couldn't keep the dark, foreboding thoughts from entering their minds. The miles continued to tick away in stilted silence, because Kairi and Namine were just too nervous to speak.

Unable to stop it, Namine thought about another Christmas Eve, about five years ago. It was just a real simple little thing, but it still made her want to die.

* * *

She and Kairi had been out enjoying the Christmas lights as they did some last minute shopping. Not as big a shopper as Kairi, Namine was rather surprised at her enthusiasm for it today as, bright-eyed, she looked excitedly through the thick glass windows at all the beautiful Christmas displays. Maybe it was the Holiday season that affected her so strongly? 

Seeing a place that caught her eye, Namine laughed gaily, "Come on Kairi, over here!" And, catching the red-head's hand, the suddenly hyper blond pulled her into the shop. It was filled with men's apparel; and at first, the two teenage girls seemed quite out of place.

A twinkling, knowing look in her bright blue-violet eyes, Kairi laughed, "What, come to get something for Riku?"

Hiding the slight blush that had crept up onto her cheeks, Namine replied, "Yeah, so what if I am? Don't you need to find something for Sora, Kai'?"

Laughing cheerfully, the red-head bounced slightly as she replied, "Yep, so I do. So tell me, are we gonna stand here flapping our mouths all day; or do we find the stuff for our guys?"

Shrugging, Namine replied to the lightly veiled barb, "Whatever." Turning her back, she started wandering through the store, examining a few pieces here and there. But she just couldn't find anything that she really liked.

After half an hour of this, Namine heard someone walking up behind her. Spinning around, she met the kindly face of the store owner, an older gentlemen with gray-streaked black hair and bright, twinkling blue eyes. A smile on his lips, he asked in a gentle voice, "Is there anything I can help you with?"

Rubbing her shoulder slightly, the blond replied, "I don't really know, sir. I was just looking for a Christmas present for someone close to me."

A knowing gleam in his eyes, he replied, "Is he much older than you?"

Slightly confused, Namine replied, "No, he isn't. He's only about a year my senior." Why would Riku's age matter? Well sure, if it was an older guy, like a father or uncle, they might not like something that someone in their teens would like. So it was probably a relevant question after all.

Bobbing his head slightly, the shopkeeper replied, "Than I think I might have the thing for you. Please, miss, come with me." Still perplexed, Namine followed him to the front of the store.

Taking her up to the register, the storekeep moved behind the counter and started shifting packages. Finally coming to a long, thin black box, he pulled it down gently as he said, "I think that your young man might like this miss. What do you think?"

Receiving the box from him when he handed it to her, Namine gently pried the lid open with her fingers; and instantly felt her breath taken away.

Lying on the velvet interior was one of the most beautifully worked men's necklaces she had ever seen. Delicately, she traced the finely worked cross with her finger. It was done in the Celtic design; and she marveled at the time and patience it must have taken the craftsman to create such an intricate piece. Quietly she admired the silver creation inlaid with an onyx crystal set in the heart of the cross.

Watching her reaction carefully as she studied the Celtic cross, the old man asked her softly, "Well? Do you think it fitting, lass?"

Meeting his gentle blue eyes with her own excited pools of sapphire, Namine breathed, "Yes. He'll love it; I know he will."

Coming up behind her just as Namine finished paying for the piece, Kairi said in an awed tone, "That is one gorgeous necklace. Is it for Riku?" At the answering nod, Kairi beamed and started in a childish, sing-song voice, "Riku and Namine, sittin' in a tree. K-I-S-S..."

Her face flushing a deep, bright scarlet, Namine screeched, "Shut-up!"

* * *

Shaking her head, Namine tugged the brush through her hair again. She knew what Kairi was like; she was a truly good friend, but sometimes, she'd act just like a four year-old; which, in turn, made Namine want to climb up a wall in humiliation. 

Sighing, the blond set the brush down. Leaning her head against the back of the seat, Namine closed her eyes for a moment, trying to calm her nerves. As she remembered how much Riku had liked the pendant, she sighed softly, "Please, Riku, hold on. I almost gave up on you and myself; please, don't give up on me and you."

Her eyes springing open again, Namine stared pensively through the tall pines as Kairi moved the Mustang through town. She knew Kairi was as worried as she was, but the blond could feel her anxiety trying to drag her down; and she feared that, sooner or later, she'd be nothing but a hysterical mess.

Taking a deep breath, Namine forced herself to calm down. She couldn't lose control; she'd be no good to anyone if she had a nervous break-down. Watching the stars high above her, the blue-eyed blond breathed, "I won't leave you alone again, Riku, my heart; ever."

* * *

Motionless, Riku stared at the same star-filled sky through glassy eyes. Even though he'd journeyed up to this road almost thirty minutes ago, he hadn't been able to deliver the death blow. 

Once again, he raised his sword arm, intent on driving the winking blue steel through his heart; once again, he was stopped by the same memory of a Christmas Eve not that long ago; a much happier one that he had spent with Namine. Closing his sea-green eyes, Riku let himself be swept up in the remembrance of that cherished moment.

* * *

The fire roared high in the hearth as crystal, pure white snowflakes fell outside the window. Totally relaxed and at ease, Riku slipped his hand down onto Namine's shoulder. Because he was seventeen and still living with his parents, he'd managed to get their okay to let Namine come over for Christmas Eve; seeing as how his mom and dad were going to be out of town, he thought it was the perfect opportunity to spend some time alone with Namine. 

Glancing up when she felt the weight of his hand, Riku could see her pale lips curve into a soft smile. The firelight seemed to have darkened her eyes, until the usually sky toned pools appeared to be a deep, dark midnight blue. There was a contentment there that had been absent in her earlier years, and he was quite happy in the fact that Namine could finally enjoy what she was: a beautiful young woman with feelings, one that shouldn't be kicked around and abused on a moment's whim; but rather, one that should be cherished and taken care of, so that her beauty would never diminish, but would grow with tender care.

A thought coming into his mind, Riku asked her softly, "Hey, would you like your Christmas present early?"

Namine gave him a quick look before she nodded. Getting up, she left her seat by his feet to go to her room while Riku quickly ran to his. Meeting back in the living room, they both took a seat on the settee together. Riku cast a coveted glance at Namine as she gazed at the decked out Christmas Tree, seemingly lost in thought. Pulling herself to, she handed him a slim black box with a neatly tied blue ribbon on it that had a tag that read simply, "_For Riku."_

Giving her a long, thin package wrapped in white and tied with a scarlet bow, Riku sat back for a moment as Namine gently undid the wrappings. He let a pleased smile come to his lips as he heard her gasp of pleasure; because of something that she had told him months before, he knew that she would like the single, deep red rose and pearl necklace better then any more expensive gift. He felt his grin widen when Namine leaned toward him and, showing her gratitude, placed a honey sweet kiss on the corner of his mouth. Leaning back, she then looked at him and said breathlessly, "Open your's now, Riku; please."

Willing to do anything to please her, he carefully undid the ribbon on his present; then, lifting the lid, Riku admired the silver cross pendent that lay on the smooth bed of velvet. Looking up into Namine's soft eyes, Riku told her truthfully, "Thank you, Pretty Thing; but I fear that it's beauty and your radiance have put my simple rose to shame."

Faking a pout, Namine thrust her pretty lip out as she retorted, "Put it to shame, my hat. The rose is lovely, Riku; it's the best thing you could have given me." Softening her manner, she said in a quiet tone, "I love you Riku."

The words on the tip of his tongue, Riku shoved them down as he said tenderly, "Come here, Pretty Thing; you have to be freezing."

Eager to comply, Namine quickly scooted closer to him. Laughing slightly, Riku dragged a blanket from the back of the couch, carefully spreading it over her shoulders. Breathing a contented sigh, she snuggled closer to him; and he knew that she welcomed the arms that he wrapped around her.

Watching the flames dance in the fireplace for a while, it was almost half an hour before Namnie spoke again. Having missed the soft query, Riku asked her softly, "I'm sorry; what'd you say?"

Half closing sleepy eyes, Namine purred, "Have you ever thought about the future, Riku? I mean, what do you see? Are we... together?"

Not answering immediately, Riku stared into the fire, a faint frown on his face as he thought it over. Finally, he said softly, "Yeah, I've thought about it sometimes, Namine. I see a lot of different things; but the thing that's always the same is that I'm not alone; you're there to face the future with me." Deciding to fire the question right back at her, he asked in a slightly playful tone, "And just what do you see, Namine?"

His question was met with silence. After a few minutes, Riku whispered, "Namine?" But when she still didn't answer, he took a good look at her face; and a smile crept across his when he realized that she had fallen asleep. Hugging her closer to him, he said softly, "Sweet dreams, my Pretty Thing." Lying his head back against the arm of the couch, he closed his eyes; and soon, he too had fallen asleep, a vision of a small, blond beauty with bright blue eyes creeping into his dreams.

* * *

His eyes snapping back open, Riku stood still for the longest moment. Bellowing a hoarse oath, he suddenly threw the blade far from him as he slumped in the cold snow. Hardly feeling the chill dampness as it soaked his clothes, Riku muttered to himself something that his father had often told him, "Suicide is the coward's way out; there is no honor involved." 

Looking to the star filled sky, he thought for a moment about Namine's bright, twinkling blue eyes as tears leaked from his own. Finally finding his voice, Riku whispered softly, "Forgive me, Pretty Thing, for coming so close to being such a coward. Even if a happy tomorrow never comes for me, I don't want you to have to suffer because I couldn't live without you. I'd rather wander through a lonely life without you then force you to go on without me if you ever wake up; I don't want to hurt you anymore then I already have."

Reaching into the neckline of his coat, Riku drew out the Celtic cross that Namine had given him five years before. Gently fingering it, he whispered softly, "I'm sorry for hurting you Namine; if you ever come back to me, I promise, I won't do it again."

* * *

After hours, or so it seemed to her, Namine could see the great, towering redwoods that lined the road to her house. A sudden, overwhelming fear forced itself into her mind, but she shoved it down with a just as sudden will of steel. But still, she couldn't stop her nervous habit as she smoothed the hem of her deep blue dress; then, she fingered the pearl necklace she wore. It was the exact same outfit that she had been wearing when she was supposed to go with Riku for that date earlier in the month. 

Finally, just when she felt that she couldn't take anymore, Namine cried out, "Here; stop here, Kairi!" The blond braced herself as the car came to a screeching halt; but she couldn't quell a sudden, cold thrill of dread as her eyes landed on the saber in the middle of the road.

Throwing herself against the door, Namine scrambled from the Mustang as Kairi was killing the ignition. She didn't pay any attention to the pain in her arm when she slammed the cast against the vehicle in her haste to get out. Recognition of the blade didn't ease her fears; if anything, seeing the bluish steel made Namine's heart race twice as fast. Worry in her bright blue eyes, she called in a tear-filled, half strangled scream, "Riku!"

((and this is where Kairi seems to just disappear! sniggers))

He froze at the sound of the familiar voice. Closing his eyes, he stayed absolutely still, not saying anything; he didn't know if what he heard was for real, or if it was his aching mind playing tricks on him. But then, he heard that honey-smooth voice again as it cried out in panic, "Riku, answer me, please!"

The shine coming back to his eyes, he jumped to his feet, all misery forgotten. But he felt a measure of it return when he saw Namine racing toward him with such fear in her eyes; a fear that he hadn't seen in those bright azure pool in eight years. He was surprised by her strength as she ran full-bore into his chest; her arms going around his neck so tightly that he felt like she had him in a strangle hold. But he wasn't bothered by this; he just returned her embrace with one of gentle steel, being careful not to jostle her arm too much.

Namine knew she was crying; but she could have cared less. She clung to him like he was the only stable thing in the world; and she'd go flying of into space if she let go for even a second. Her face buried in his jacket, it was a few moments before she registered a cool touch on her cheek. Focusing, she saw the Celtic cross that she had given him hanging right over his heart. Leaning her head back on his chest, she muttered softly, "I'm sorry, Riku. I should have never..."

"What are you sorry for, Pretty Thing?" he asked her, completely taken aback. "You couldn't have seen what was coming, Namine. But I shouldn't have flown off the handle at you."

Laughing slightly, she whispered softly, "I guess we're just a bunch of fools."

"Yeah, I guess; but they say that some of the biggest fools are those that are in love." He could see her puzzled look as she glanced at him. This time, it was his turn to laugh softly as he said quietly, "I was so afraid that I'd lost you, Pretty Thing. I just couldn't help but think about the fact that I'd never said anything..." His voice trailed off as he stared up at the moonlit sky, almost as if he was searching for the words from the stars. Slowly, he started singing a very familiar song, one that put the point across quite clearly.

_If tomorrow never comes, _

_Will she know how much I loved her; _

_Did I try in every way, _

_To show her every day, _

_That she's my only one?_

_And if my time on Earth were through, _

_And she must face this world without me; _

_Is the love I gave her in the past, _

_Gonna be enough to last? _

_If tomorrow never comes._

Looking into Namine's eyes, he could see that, once again, they were no longer that bright, sky blue. Rather, they were a dark, sultry midnight blue; coupled with the pearls that he gave her, the held such a sparkling, intense look that he nearly had his breath stolen away. But he still managed a hoarse whisper, "I was so worried that you were never going to wake-up, Namine. I... I hadn't told you anything that I should have. I love you, Pretty Thing; I've loved you forever, and I'll love you until eternity."

She wanted to believe him, but there was just one small thing troubling her mind. Looking up into his bright, sea-green eyes, she muttered softly, "I believe you... but what happened? Why were you so mad at me?"

Understanding completely what she meant, Riku laughed, "You've got to be furious with me, haven't you, Pretty Thing? And I can't say that I really blame you; I was a complete, total and absolute ass that day from stress."

Namine was totally unprepared for what happened next. Reaching into his coat pocket, she saw Riku pull out a small, square velvet box as he got down on his knee. Lifting the lid, she could see the beautiful, heart-shaped diamond set between a sapphire and a ruby. Her eyes shining, she knew her answer as she heard Riku say in a soft tone, "I don't want to find myself in a tomorrow where you're missing from my life; I don't want a future where you're with some other guy because I never said anything; I don't want to spend my life alone, without you. I want to wake up with you beside me, with the dawn light turning your hair to pure gold in it's new born purity. I want to see your eyes bright and shining, full of the love that you deserve. I can only pray that you feel the same way. Please, Namine, please; will you marry me?"

She could feel the tears welling up as she looked down into his bright, aquamarine eyes, so hopeful and desperately in love. She was amazed by this; Namine hadn't guessed that Riku could be such a poet. Her answer was heart-felt as she collapsed into his arms. "Yes," she whispered, pressing tearful kisses against his face, "Yes, Riku my heart."

* * *

The promise of snow was in the air as Riku walked outside, a bright spark in his eyes. He still couldn't believe that this was _his _life; he couldn't believe the joy that he felt at the moment. Last Christmas Eve had been so different from this one; it had seemed so bleak and barren; promising nothing but pain and loneliness. Now, the day before Christmas, he couldn't believe the changes that a year could make. There wasn't a single more that he could possibly ask for. 

His mind touching on certain memories, a smile came to his lips as he thought of the past few months. He had to admit that they had been rather trying for him and Namine; but the rewards were certainly worth the pain.

A thought coming to him, he slipped back inside. Grabbing Namine's jacket as he passed the front closet, he met the blond in the living room. Catching her eye, he asked her, "Are they asleep?"

Meeting his eyes from her position on the sofa, sapphire blue met aquamarine as she replied, "No, not yet. Why?"

Setting the coat down for a moment, he said softly, "I want you to come outside. Bring Leyla and Holly."

A smile on her soft lips, Namine climbed to her feet. "I'll be back in fifteen minutes," she promised. Turning toward the stairs, the light glanced off the wedding band on her left hand as the ring flashed golden.

Coming back down the stairs, she slipped into the coat that Riku had ready for her. Then, picking up Leyla while Riku took Holly, they went outside with the two infants.

Riku's timing had been perfect; the first white, crystalline snowflakes started falling as they went out into the cold air. A smile on their faces, the twins cooed excitedly as they watched this strange, unfamiliar advent. This was their first snowfall, and with all their wonderful, three-month old fascination they watched in awe as the world slowly started to turn white.

Her bright, baby blue eyes on the winter sky, Leyla enjoyed her mother's arms as she made infant sounds of delight. Not quite as bold as her sister, Holly clung to Riku, burying her little blond head in his jacket as she mumbled in a confused tone. Hearing her twin, Leyla squealed impatiently as Namine tried to hide a laugh; she knew exactly what the baby wanted.

Switching her over to Riku, Namine held Holly tightly as she watched Leyla's happy face. There was no mistaking who's daughter she was, the blond thought happily, as Riku and Leyla leaned their heads together, the winter light glancing off their silvery hair. A delighted laugh came from the little girl, mingling with her father's deeper chuckle as they seemed to share in some private joke.

It promised to be the best Christmas ever; for Namine because she no longer doubted her love for Riku; for Riku because he knew that, no matter what, the one that he loved knew how he felt, so that if no tomorrow came for him, she would always know how she felt for him.

* * *

_**Vixen: **I really hope you enjoyed this final chapter. Please, leave a review; and tell me what you think of the video!_


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